Living with anxiety is an uphill battle under normal circumstances. It is a debilitating illness which if not managed can lead to constant anxiety attacks, depression, and a decline in physical health in extreme cases. Yet even when coping mechanisms are implemented and constant work is put in to manage the anxiety it is not an easy battle. It is a daily effort to fight off anxiety, some use music to keep the feelings at bay, others find exercise and hobbies as ways to stay as normal as possible in order for society to accept them instead of shunting them for being difficult, different, or just too much hassle to cope with.
Even when a person has their anxiety under control enough to function in society on a daily basis, it still isn't easy. No matter how easy it may look. Inside the turmoil is brewing and it is a mental anomaly in order to keep the chaos at bay.
Why we panic
With the current Covid-19 pandemic, anxiety sufferers are taking a knock. It has been said that people who stress too much have a weakened immune system and while the uncontrollable anxiety ensues, sufferers are aware that they are putting themselves at a higher risk of contracting it, yet they cannot always manage this stress, therefore causing them to panic even more. A vicious cycle which is evident in normal circumstances, yet heightened in such times of extreme uncertainty. On top of this already heavy burden is the fear of losing the ones we love around us. We worry for other people's sanity, health, and mental states, over and above our own.
Stress is not a one-size-fits all
Sufferers may show their stress in various ways and not restricted to things directly related to covid-19. Some may show stress and anxiety in many different ways. Retracting into themselves or into their homes to be more in their safe spaces, some may start being clinging to the ones they love as they fear losing them. Anger, frustration, depression. There are so many emotions which the sufferers may be facing and may be calling out for help with. While some are generally uncertain on how to ask for help, this may manifest in many different ways which may look like the complete opposite of love.
I speak from experience, and while this may be familiar to a number of anxiety sufferers, we all experience this mental turmoil in many different shapes and forms. So while, I cannot speak for all anxiety sufferers, I can speak on my own turmoil in the hopes that those who feel similar or those who know sufferers who are acting in ways in which I have been, may be able to reach out and be there for the ones they love.
In my Case
I have been on an extremely vicious roller coaster for many years now which has been the peak time for me finding out that I have been living with an anxiety disorder for most of my life and learning what this means, and all the steps I need to take in order to live a life as normal as possible. While coming to terms with the acceptance that I may never be able to function as easily as majority of the 'normal' people in society (I say normal to refer to those that don't suffer from mental hurdles as us sufferers are known as the abnormal, despite the huge number of people who are in this position).
I have only recently reached a point in my diagnosis which has allowed me to function on a relatively normal level which is similar to those around me who don't fight anxiety on a daily basis. I have found solutions which has begun to aid in my management of my anxious thoughts and behaviours in a socially acceptable way.
As with all recovery, I have roadblocks along the way, I have days when I feel like I've gone back to 3 years ago when I almost gave up completely. Yet these have been a flash in the pan and last a few hours or a day maximum. So relatively I have been healthy, mentally I have felt myself at the strongest I have been in a very long time. Fighting the thoughts and the desire to let pain and anxiety consume me has been slowly becoming second nature to me.
Now life throws the hardest curve-ball since I have been on the up with the domination of this reality in sight. It has been scary, mostly because I am terrified of losing all my progress made up to this point, but I am determined to stay on track and use these fears as stepping stones to reaching a higher point of mental strength and domination of the illness which is set on destroying my self-confidence, my self-control, and my physical health. I am stronger than what my abnormal mind tells me to be correct when it isn't rationally acceptable.
In my situation I have surprised myself greatly as I have handled the news and the reality much better than I could have imagined that I would. Although it would be a mistake for me to deny that it doesn't affect me at all. I must be responsible and brave enough to come to terms with the reality of my condition and that I may never be immune to large scales of anxiety inducing news. So if I'm honest with myself I have noticed a stronger than usual desire for closeness to other humans (the opposite of what you should want in this crisis :/) and a strong urge to be clingy and constantly paid attention to through acts of love. Then I felt overwhelming bouts of annoyance and anger, general angry feelings coming on more often and for less obvious reasons. For instance, I was highly annoyed yesterday by the lady driver in front of me constantly flicking her ash out the window while she puffed away on her cigarette, culminating to a few swear words passed when she flicked the burnt stick onto the road right under where my wheels were heading. As much as this is a general annoyance for me, the anger welling inside felt more like I had witnessed a gross act of inhumanity towards another human. I knew the feeling wasn't right so I was able to not act in an irrational way and handle it internally. Yet it just made me realise that as well as I know I am handling what would have been a completely crippling situation a mere year ago, I must be responsible to take note of the small and seemingly insignificant behavioural changes in myself.
My heart goes out to those who have not yet reached a stable enough point to handle stressful situations to this degree and I call out to say that you are strong enough!
For those in the cross-fire of loving those who fight the mental fight I say:
Thank you, for accepting what you don't understand.
Thank you, for comforting what you don't understand.
Thank you, for fixing what you don't understand.
Thank you, for being there when you don't understand.
Thank you, for trusting what you don't understand. Thank you, for reaching out in the dark to something you don't understand.
Thank you, for understanding what you don't understand.
We appreciate you, and if you are doing something, then you are doing enough.
Comments